All the Lonely People: Conversations on Loneliness by Dr. Sam Carr
Published by: Picador
Published 28 March 2024
233pp hardcover
Dr. Sam Carr’s tender exploration of loneliness and the many ways it manifests as part of the human condition is unflinching and life-affirming.
All the Lonely People is a book with heart—empathy seeping from the pages—a true exploration into the ways loneliness can take hold in trying times. From grief to the migrant experience, Dr. Carr sits down with all walks of life to explore the myriad ways this highly prevalent and somewhat (unfortunately) stigmatised emotion can take hold.
Peppered with personal stories of both his family and his grapplings with loneliness throughout his life, he gently draws to the surface the many different ways people can feel disconnected or cut off. Dr Carr holds a lot of respect for his interview subjects, guiding but never forcing the conversation, and more often than not, particularly with the subjects dealing with loneliness through grief and the death of a loved one, he finds they have often been waiting to open up and share their inner pain, perhaps not knowing where might be an appropriate place to do so.
The question of whether we as a society are doing enough to help and honour people suffering in silence naturally arises. Deep-rooted and deep-seated issues such as mental health and abuse are handled with the utmost care and respect, and his own stories and those of his close loved ones are presented with memoir-esque unflinching honesty as a way to reach out and connect, attempting to destigmatise and encourage openness; ultimately concluding that empathy is the only way to meaningfully combat loneliness.
Containing studies conducted by psychologists, scientists, professors, researchers, and scholars, there is plenty of science to back up the claims, even that from published academic journal papers, and highlighted quotes vary from famous psychoanalyst Carl Jung to notoriously troubled author David Foster Wallace. The stats in the book reflect a society increasingly afflicted with a loneliness epidemic, one that without intervention may continue to worsen quickly.
The chapters on a range of migrant experiences are eye-opening in the ways they distil the migrant experience, feeling barely included in their new foreign environment and removed from the familiarity and comfort of home. Dr. Carr summarises that the loss of a sense of connection to place and perceived ‘home’ can create a deep scratch that is not easily itched, particularly in the later stages of life.
As the director of The Loneliness Project, a partnership between the University of Bath and a retirement community provider, Dr. Carr and his colleagues embarked upon a quest to interview older people who self-identified as lonely. They found that existential loneliness can be thought of as a gradual sense of separation from the world, and this separateness and the myriad reasons for its emergence are explored through deep listening to the people most affected in this unique book.
A sharing is caring mentality is threaded through the book, with the overall takeaway a gentle reminder that a problem shared is a problem halved.
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Buy at all good book shops including here.
Words by Lynsey Wright. You can read her Louder Than War reviews at her author profile or find her on Instagram.
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